Power Rankings - Week 1

Mack Daddy

Week one is in the books and half of the league can say that everyone's favorite team is undefeated. The others will know that there are still 12 weeks left in the regular season.

The Regular Season is often a war of attrition. Can your guy stay healthy? (Hello Aaron Rodgers) Or can you find that key waiver wire addition before someone else claims him? Will your guy get paid? (Hello Le'veon Bell) Or will your team benefit from his backup?

Given Chucky's trade of Khalil Mack coupled with the big stink bomb that Derek Carr tossed in the second half this past Monday, Fantasy Football may be our only solace this season, at least those of us true to our Raiders. And in YouTube clips of past glory...



-Josh Rozelle

1. Koepke's Cupcakes (Max Koepke)
Last week: Won 111-52 over the Low_nass
Record: 1-0
Week 0 Ranking: 5
The 2016 champions made a bold statement with triple ones in the first week. Even without much production from Fournette, the Cupcakes went large on the arm of Rivers and the hands of Tyreek.



2. Brooklyn Milk (Rick Reid)
Last week: Won 94-83 over the Fokkers
Record: 1-0
Week 0 Ranking: 4
The Milk boast two solid QBs in Mahomes and Watson, but only one can start. Brooklyn benefited last week from the Raiders' TE Cook as they triumphed in the annual Reid Bowl. If he goes off similarly the Milk will be tough to beat.




3. Nacho's Cheese (Mark Diaz)
Last week: Won 106-78 over the Schmutz
Record: 1-0
Week 0 Ranking: 9
With Cousins and the receiving tandem of A.J. and T.Y., the Cheese are smelling good.




4. Golden Receivers (Ann Parry)
Last week: Won 89-78 over the Wea ver
Record: 1-0
Week 0 Ranking: 8
Parry took this year's Family Feud game behind a balanced attack featuring QB Newton, RBs Johnson and Lewis, and WR Tate.




5. Vick's Dog Sitter (Michael Zehder)
Last week: Won 79-69 over the Hill Billies
Record: 1-0
Week 0 Ranking: 7
The Sitter have a very popular team. Seven of their eight starters are owned in 90% or more leagues. Two of their starters, however, are presently injured. Hopefully, Mr. Zehder notices in time, otherwise it might be an easy week for their opponents, the Waddlers.

6. Los Angeles River of Los Olivos (Josh Roberts)
Last week: Won 78-69 over the Waddlers
Record: 1-0
Week 0 Ranking: 6
If RB Elliott and WR Julio Jones live up to their hype, the River may challenge for the playoffs. Their auto draft helped them get the suspended Mark Ingram II and the injured Alshon Jeffery. If they become viable starters, Los Angeles might have a shot at a division title.

6. newO SWAMP (Greg Omweg)
Last week: Won 82-59 over the Big Boss
Record: 1-0
Week 0 Ranking: 13
With Gronk, Hunt, and Goff, the SWAMP are in good position to challenge for their first Super Bowl title.



8. Santa Barbara Fokkers (Robert Reid)
Last week: Lost 83-94 to the Milk
Record: 0-1
Week 0 Ranking: 1
Only four teams bested the Fokkers' Week 1 point total, but one of those four were their opponents. The Fokkers look strong as they try to defend last season's title. With the Rams D/ST, Gurley II, Larry Fitz, and the Raiders' Nelson, the Fokkers have a solid core.


9. 3rd Avenue Schmutz (Christian Hansen)
Last week: Lost 78-106 to the Cheese
Record: 0-1
Week 0 Ranking: 2
When they have Adrian Peterson sitting on the bench, you know that the Schmutz have too many players. Look for them to rebound big this week, or regret sorely those they choose not to start.

10. Andover Waddlers (Stephanie Reid)
Last week: Lost 69-78 to the River
Record: 0-1
Week 0 Ranking: 3
They have both LeSean and DeSean, but this team doesn't really sing to me. They may need to look to the Waiver Wire to find some hidden gems.




11. Wea ver (Dylan Parry)
Last week: Lost 78-89 to the Receivers
Record: 0-1
Week 0 Ranking: 11
The Wea ver are not likely to languish this low down for long. With Saquon Barkley, Christian McCaffrey, Demariyus Thomas, and Robert Woods, the Wea ver should put up a fair number of points this week. Once Carson Wentz comes back from injury, the Wea ver might have a division title squad.




12. Potrero Hill Billies (Russ Valby)
Last week: Lost 69-79 to the Sitter
Record: 0-1
Week 0 Ranking: 10
When you have Aaron Rodgers, you gotta like your chances every week, even if his joints are held together by Scotch tape and rubber bands.



13. Low_nass . (Todd Lohnas)
Last week: Lost 52-111 to the Cupcakes
Record: 0-1
Week 0 Ranking: 12
The nass have no chance as long as Le'veon sits out. He has to start in Week 3, right?




14. Argentina 17 Big Boss (Ty Lohnas)
Last week: Lost 59-82 to the SWAMP
Record: 0-1
Week 0 Ranking: 14
The Big Boss's receivers (Antonio Brown, Brandin Cooks, and Jimmy Graham) might give this team some life, but Graham is in his 9th season and his receptions have fallen off ever since he left Drew Brees and the Saints.




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